I’ve always been told that I’m a pessimist. My reaction to events tend to be very pragmatic, and I think this comes off as being negative because most of the time my assumption is that things just aren’t going to work out if it’s something that is out of the ordinary or outside of what I can reasonably do on my own. I always thought of myself as a “realist”, but apparently this way of thinking is just pessimism in disguise. I suppose so.
Previous articles have looked at how I have this huge blank wall in front of me regarding my work life and the future of my lifestyle in general. The job situation is completely out of my control, as I just have to hope for the right opportunity to come along before my current job runs out in a couple of months. My hope is to find something that is a remote position that I can do over the internet, preferably without a real time component. I would love to find something that allows me to go off and work on something on my own time and just get it in by the deadline. I’m not a fan of the “be on call for me” position.
On another facet of my life, I’ve moved away from my plans to use my travel trailer to see the country and I’m shifting back to my first goal: getting into a sailboat and seeing the world. My first three passions are flying, sailing, and motorcycle riding. I’ve had a good fifteen years of riding and I’ll never lose the bug for that, but I’ve had my fill for now. Flying is way too expensive to do on a regular basis at my income level, and though I was in a professional pilot program a few years ago, I had to give it up for personal reasons. That leaves sailing, and I yearn to get out on the water, see far away places, and enjoy day after day away from the craziness of the world.
The purpose of this article is to point out that I have absolutely no reason to believe that any of this is going to happen for me, yet I hold out hope in my heart that somehow things will work out. Many of you reading this probably don’t believe in God, and that’s fine. I don’t believe in forcing my worldview on others, and the Bible calls us to knock at the door, not bust it down. I bring it up because sailing has been one of the constant things in my life that has always been there, even when I was a child.
I remember the early years of my life and how I loved being on the water. My biological father had a sub-thirty foot sailboat that we took out on a fairly regular basis. Most of the time it was in one of the lakes in South Carolina that was owned by the Navy, as he served on nuclear submarines for most of his career. I loved every minute of it, even the distinct memory I have of feeling terror as I watched a huge shape emerge from the depths and then disappear back into the dark water. I was told it was a catfish, which in that lake could be several feet long and over a hundred pounds! One of the craziest memories I have was when we got caught in a big storm and the boat was pitching over waves; my mom was terrified and we were too, but I remember it for the adventure it was.
I yearn to go back to that and have my own adventures. My personality is very introverted, probably because of the life experiences I’ve had so far. I grew up in a very emotionally stunted household and my teen years were filled with video games and internet browsing. The only real social interaction I had was in the high school band program, as our marching band was one of the best in the state. My year in college was somewhat better, but I still kept my personality close.
One would think that the Marine Corps would have been what got me out of my shell, and to some extent it did. Public speaking is no longer an issue for me, and I’m pretty confident when I take up a challenge that I’ll be able to get it done to some degree. Obviously I’m not all that scared of people hurting me, given the training I’ve received, and I walk with confidence out in public. The Marine Corps gave me quite a lot, and I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to go through it.
Still, the biggest problem I continue to deal with is my social introversion. I can fake my way through a gathering and do the “extrovert” thing for a while, but it’s exhausting and I’m constantly waiting for it to be over so I can get back to the peace and quiet of solitude. Friends are few and far between for me, usually one good friend at a time, if any. There are a few guys from the Marine Corps years that will always be “pick up where we left off” guys, but making new friends is hard for me.
I bring all this up because I was having a conversation with a relative of mine and she told me that travel is an “extrovert” thing. I can’t help but agree, but for my part it is the solitude in between the “extrovert things” that I most look forward to. Cabin fever actually is a thing for me, despite my introversion, and it seems to me that after several days or weeks on the water without seeing people will get me in the mood for getting into social interactions. I already feel it sometimes in my daily life when I’m home alone for any length of time.
That was quite a long tangent, but I felt it necessary to share a bit about me and my life and my hope for the future, because the point of this article is sharing how to find hope in what appears to be a hopeless situation. You can see that there is a lot of desire in my heart to move into a new phase of my life, and while I have absolutely no reason to believe that it will actually happen, I still hold onto the hope that it is somehow going to happen for me. So many things are changing for me right now, and sometimes it feels like I’m being lined up to finally do something I’ve always wanted to do.
The great thing about hope is that no matter what is happening in your life, you can always look forward to the future and know that there is a chance that the things you’ve always wanted will be there. It may not be money or fame or whatever thing that society pushes on us as what we should want, but it could be something as simple as getting on a boat and living life in a way you never thought possible before. We can’t live without hope, and even in the darkest hours that tiny candle of positivity can get us through to the other side. Sometimes all you can do is have faith.
What do you think about hope? Do you find yourself in a situation you yearn to get free from? What would it take to get you from where you are now into the new life you want to live? We can always find hope in our situations, and life is always ready to make major shifts to change into something completely different. If we keep our eyes on the future and watch for those changes, we can be ready for them and make the most of it.
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